The Ballistic Driver

by Joey Davis

Have you ever seen a product advertised that you just must have? It seems to meet a need deep within your psyche. The other day, I found such an item.

While reading the paper, I came across an article about a new golf club called "the Ballistic Driver." It's perfect for the "weekend golfer."

The Ballistic Driver is a new club on the market is designed for people who have trouble hitting the golf ball. The club head has a .22 caliber load built in. All you have 0 do to drive the golf ball is to lay the clubhead beside the ball and pull the trigger on the club. This trigger activates a 22 caliber load, similar to a bullet, causing the clubface to hoot out of the head an inch and a half at a high rate of peed. The Ballistic Driver company guarantees that the ball will fly "300 yards every time . . . straight as an arrow!"

This club comes complete with a travel case. It is equipped with a safety device to keep it from "going off' in an airport or the trunk of your car.

Those of you who have golfed with me can attest that Ballistic Driver is the club for me!

You see, I really enjoy being on the fairways. I like using terms like "birdie," "bogey," and "eagle" (although I've seldom used this terms in conjunction with my game). I like the camaraderie of being with friends, having a coke while sitting in an electric car, and sunshine. Golf would be my true passion. . . if I didn't have to actually swing the club and try to figure out where I'd hit the ball.

The Ballistic Driver is perfect for the golfer who isn't a golfer. It is the club for the person who doesn't want to spend the time and "sweat equity" to actually learn to play the game. Just point, shoot and forget the hassle and headache of developing true golf skills. . .

. . . Maybe I can come out with a Ballistic Bible. I'm not sure how it would work, but it would be perfect for the "weekend Christian." It would be the Bible for the person who loves singing the songs and using words like "saved," "sanctified," and "justified." Maybe there could be a trigger to be pulled when an "amen" or "hallelujah" is in order.

It would come with a carrying case as well as a safety device to keep it from "going off' in embarrassing places like the home or office.

It would be the perfect gift for the Christian who isn't a Christian. It's the Bible for the person who doesn't want to spend the time and "sweat equity" to learn the word. Just point, shoot and forget the hassle and headache of developing a real life that is dedicated to the Lord.

Hmmm. . . I wonder how many I could sell?!?!?