Conflicts

Part 1

"...But let every one be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger" (James 1:19, NASV).

Conflicts. Because we're human, they happen! But, when conflicts arise, how can we handle them constructively? How can they be resolved? Consider some stages that might be helpful.

Confrontation -- Confrontation does not have to be ugly and vindictive. Handled with a beautiful Christian spirit, it is a wonderful and necessary tool in resolving a conflict. Jesus said: "...if your brother sins, go and reprove him in private..." (Matthew 18:15). This is a loving confrontation when we take some important Christian principles with us.

First, we must be loving. Paul said: "Let all that you do be done in love" (I Corinthians 16:14). A failure to love a fellow Christian with whom we are having a conflict is brazen hypocrisy (I John 4:19-21). Second, we must treat one another like we want to be treated. Jesus said: "Therefore whatever you want others to do for you, do so for them, for this is the Law and the Prophets" (Matthew 7:12).

Third, we must use fitful words. Solomon said: "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger" (Proverbs 15:1). "A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver" (Proverbs 25:11). A friend of mine use to say: "You better taste those words before you spit them out."

Communication -- Sometimes, conflicts are merely a matter of miscommunication. Generally, when we are in the midst of an argument, we do not listen, but rather plan a crushing response! It may be that we have not properly understood the person with whom we are having the conflict.

Dr. Paul Faulkner recommends: "First, seek to be understanding, then to be understood." This is excellent advice! In communicating, say something like: "I understood you to say this...is that correct?" When we have clearly communicated, we will resolve some conflicts right then and there! As James said: "...Be swift to hear..." (James 1:19).

Identification -- When things have been clearly communicated, identify the conflict, if there still is one. Clearly state this to the person with whom you are having the conflict. Unless the problem is identified, it cannot be resolved.

Not all conflicts necessarily involve sin, but differences in judgment. Consider Paul and Barnabas in reference to John Mark! Even though the dispute was sharp, they both continued in the work of the Lord (Acts 15:36-41).

Years later, it is apparent this conflict had been resolved. In matters of judgment, where no sin or scripture is violated, we must be open and charitable!

The above article appeared in the Mt. Juliet Messenger July 12, 1998.

Part 2

"...But let every one be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger" (James 1:19 NASV).

Conflicts. Because we're human, they happen! But, when conflicts arise, how can we handle them constructively? How can they be resolved? Last week, we examined some of the stages: confrontation, communication, and identification. This week, we want to conclude this brief survey with a look at resolution.

Resolution. Assuming now that the conflict has had its confrontation, communication, and identification, it is ready for
resolution. Since all conflicts are different, and some do not necessarily involve sin, resolutions will differ as to the particular kind
of conflict.

Sin and Offense. When the conflict involves sin, confession and forgiveness must be offered and received. Jesus said: "For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses" (Matthew 6:14-15).

We must remember that when a matter has been made right with God, it's right! Bitter resentment and continued grudges are powerful signs of poor personal character, especially when forgiveness has been sincerely requested. A loving heart wants to forgive (I Corinthians 13:4-7).

Disagreements. Disagreements do not necessarily involve sin, but do lead to powerful conflicts. Assuming that the disagreement has been identified and communicated, what can be done to resolve it?

Relationships are so important to the Lord, that He promised He will accept any honorable solution to a conflict. Jesus said: "Assuredly, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven. Again, I say to you that if two of you agree on earth concerning anything that they ask, it will be done for them by My Father in heaven" (Matthew 18:18-19).

Paul and Barnabas disagreed about John Mark sharply, yet continued their service to the Master while going their separate ways (Acts 15:36-41). We later find out that Paul and Barnabas still loved one another, and that John Mark had been restored to favor with Paul. Mature, intelligent Christians disagree, sometimes sharply! But, love overwhelms those differences and brings about unity and peace.

Paul told the vast Roman church: "Therefore let us pursue the things which make for peace and the things by which one may edify another" (Romans 14:19). He told the Ephesians: "...with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love, endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace" (Ephesians 4:2-3).

Conflicts just happen. But among Christians, loving resolutions should settle conflicts.

July 19, 1998

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Conflicts by Steve Hale Part 1 "...But let every one be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger" (James 1:19, NASV). Conflicts. Because we're human, they happen! But, when conflicts arise, how can we handle them constructively? How can they be resolved? Consider some stages that might be helpful. Confrontation -- Confrontation does not have to be ugly and vindictive. Handled with a beautiful Christian spirit, it is a wonderful and necessary tool in resolving a conflict. Jesus said: "...if your brother sins, go and reprove him in private..." (Matthew 18:15). This is a loving confrontation when we take some important Christian principles with us. First, we must be loving. Paul said: "Let all that you do be done in love" (I Corinthians 16:14). A failure to love a fellow Christian with whom we are having a conflict is brazen hypocrisy (I John 4:19-21). Second, we must treat one another like we want to be treated. Jesus said: "Therefore whatever you want others to do for you, do so for them, for this is the Law and the Prophets" (Matthew 7:12). Third, we must use fitful words. Solomon said: "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger" (Proverbs 15:1). "A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver" (Proverbs 25:11). A friend of mine use to say: "You better taste those words before you spit them out." Communication -- Sometimes, conflicts are merely a matter of miscommunication. Generally, when we are in the midst of an argument, we do not listen, but rather plan a crushing response! It may be that we have not properly understood the person with whom we are having the conflict. Dr. Paul Faulkner recommends: "First, seek to be understanding, then to be understood." This is excellent advice! In communicating, say something like: "I understood you to say this...is that correct?" When we have clearly communicated, we will resolve some conflicts right then and there! As James said: "...Be swift to hear..." (James 1:19). Identification -- When things have been clearly communicated, identify the conflict, if there still is one. Clearly state this to the person with whom you are having the conflict. Unless the problem is identified, it cannot be resolved. Not all conflicts necessarily involve sin, but differences in judgment. Consider Paul and Barnabas in reference to John Mark! Even though the dispute was sharp, they both continued in the work of the Lord (Acts 15:36-41). Years later, it is apparent this conflict had been resolved. In matters of judgment, where no sin or scripture is violated, we must be open and charitable! The above article appeared in the Mt. Juliet Messenger July 12, 1998. Part 2 "...But let every one be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger" (James 1:19 NASV). Conflicts. Because we're human, they happen! But, when conflicts arise, how can we handle them constructively? How can they be resolved? Last week, we examined some of the stages: confrontation, communication, and identification. This week, we want to conclude this brief survey with a look at resolution. Resolution. Assuming now that the conflict has had its confrontation, communication, and identification, it is ready for resolution. Since all conflicts are different, and some do not necessarily involve sin, resolutions will differ as to the particular kind of conflict. Sin and Offense. When the conflict involves sin, confession and forgiveness must be offered and received. Jesus said: "For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses" (Matthew 6:14-15). We must remember that when a matter has been made right with God, it's right! Bitter resentment and continued grudges are powerful signs of poor personal character, especially when forgiveness has been sincerely requested. A loving heart wants to forgive (I Corinthians 13:4-7). Disagreements. Disagreements do not necessarily involve sin, but do lead to powerful conflicts. Assuming that the disagreement has been identified and communicated, what can be done to resolve it? Relationships are so important to the Lord, that He promised He will accept any honorable solution to a conflict. Jesus said: "Assuredly, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven. Again, I say to you that if two of you agree on earth concerning anything that they ask, it will be done for them by My Father in heaven" (Matthew 18:18-19). Paul and Barnabas disagreed about John Mark sharply, yet continued their service to the Master while going their separate ways (Acts 15:36-41). We later find out that Paul and Barnabas still loved one another, and that John Mark had been restored to favor with Paul. Mature, intelligent Christians disagree, sometimes sharply! But, love overwhelms those differences and brings about unity and peace. Paul told the vast Roman church: "Therefore let us pursue the things which make for peace and the things by which one may edify another" (Romans 14:19). He told the Ephesians: "...with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love, endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace" (Ephesians 4:2-3). Conflicts just happen. But among Christians, loving resolutions should settle conflicts. July 19, 1998 Related Articles: Print this Article Discuss this Article Back to the Sermon Page	Mt. Juliet Church of Christ 1940 N. Mt. Juliet Road P.O.Box 248 Mt.Juliet, TN 37122-0248 (615)758-2274 Fax:615-754-2351 Email Worship Services: Sunday Early Worship: 8AM Sunday Bible Study: 9:15AM Sunday Late Worship: 10:15AM Night Worship: 6PM Wednesday Bible Study: 7PM