Power to Parent

Misbelief #1: Good parents always put their children first or it is always selfish and wrong to put yourself first. Those who follow this rule often brag about going without so their children can have what they want. They usually spend very little time on their own personal growth and development or on nurturing their spousal relationship. They have difficulty setting boundaries or saying "no!" without feeling guilty. And they often end up giving privileges without requiring responsible behavior from the child.

This misbelief, present in many dysfunctional families, robs parents of their ability to properly nurture and discipline their children. Children of these parents often act very disrespectfully toward their parents: talking back, arguing, complaining, pitching fits; acting ungracious, rude, disobedient, etc. Because they think they should be appreciated for their many sacrifices, this behavior often confuses these parents. But, in reality, they have taught their children to disrespect them by always putting the children first.

Because of the power of this misbelief, these parents often blame themselves for their child's disrespectful behavior. And when they try to find solutions, most of the solutions center around putting their child first even more (giving more attention, giving more privileges, pacifying the child even more), which only encourages more disrespectful behavior from the child.

God reveals the truth about selfishness. True, it is selfish and wrong to only think of ourselves and to always put ourselves first ( Luke 12:13-21). However, it is not selfish to sometimes put ourselves first. Jesus' example in Luke 5:12-16 makes this clear. He was constantly surrounded by people who needed Him to do something for them (teach them, feed them, or heal them). But the Bible teaches that He often withdrew Himself from others to spend time alone in the wilderness. So we learn that sometimes the most loving thing we can do is to take care of ourselves and to put ourselves first. This is especially true for parents.

How can we expect our children to honor and respect us if we don't show them that we respect and honor ourselves?

The above article appeared in the Mt. Juliet Messenger on July 9, 1995.

Part 2

Jane (not her real name) was admitted to the adolescent psychiatric unit to be treated for a behavioral problem The admitting diagnosis was Oppositional Defiant Disorder. Humbled by the hospital admission, Jane's single parent mom was forced to admit that she was powerless as a parent. One of the reasons for the lack of power became evident during one of the family therapy sessions. Looking straight in her mom's tearful eyes, Jane coldly told her mom, "You can't tell me what to do, cause you've done things just as bad as me." Jane's mom was powerless because she had accepted as true Misbelief #2: Parents who make mistakes don't have the right to discipline their children.
Parents who believe this lie usually feel tremendous guilt for past and/or present sinful behavior. They are reluctant to set rules and even when they do, they usually allow their children to break them without administering any consequences. As a result, their children who, like all children, learn self-discipline and responsible behavior by bouncing against- parental boundaries, become unruly, irresponsible, and disrespectful. This leads to more guilt and less power for the parent. And the cycle continues.

God reveals truth that can help parents overcome this lie:

Truth #1: imperfect parents are to be honored and obeyed by their children. There is no prerequisite that parents be perfect

before they are obeyed ( Ephesians 1-3)

Truth #2 Imperfect parents are to nurture and discipline their: children. There is no prerequisite that parents be perfect before they ant qualified to nurture and discipline their children (Ephesians:6:1-).

Truth #3 There is no such thing. as a perfect parent ( John 1:8-10). If a parent had to be perfect before they could be qualified to discipline their children, no child could ever be disciplined.
Godly parents know they aren't perfect and are willing and able to admit it. They deal with their guilt by trusting in the power of the blood of Jesus to. wash away their sins. And they parent their children, even though they aren't perfect, because God gives them that right and responsibility to do so.

The above article appeared in the Mt. Juliet Messenger on July 16, 1995.

Part 3

Some parents loose their power to parent by accepting Misbelief #3: Good parents make their children happy. These parents judge themselves by what their children are feeling. If their child is sad or unhappy, they judge themselves as bad. If their child is happy, they judge themselves as gooe!. Because their ego and self-esteem are based on their child's feelings, they will practically go to any length to keep their child from being sad. Children of these parents soon learn that all they have to do to get their way is to pout, or in some way act sad or depressed. They often. manipulate their parents by telling th.eir parents that they can't be happy unless they are able to have and do what "everybody else" has or does.
God reveals the truth about taking responsibility for other's happiness. No where in the Bible are we commanded to make others happy. On the contrary, we are instructed to seek to please God ratherthan men ( Acts 5:29; cf. Galatians 1:10). Sometimes doing what pleases God is not going to make others happy. Jesus didn't always make others happy ( Matthew 21:15,33-46). Stephen certainly didn't always make the people happy ( Acts 7). And neither did the apostles ( Acts 4:1 - 5: 42).

Christian parents have the God-given responsibility to nurture and discipline our children in the admonition of the Lord. Doing this is not always going to make our children happy (especially when they want to be like their friends in the world and we say no!) So we have to decide who we are going to please - - God or our children. Godly parents will always put pleasing God above pleasing their children.

Dear God, thank you for the truths; in your Word that can help us to overcome the lies of Satan. Help us as parents to seek your guidanie in patenting our children. As we come toknow your truths, please give us the courage to do what you say do. Help us to always fear you more than we fear our children or anyone else. May we always seek to please you rather than men! In Jesus name, Amen!

The above article appeared in the Mt. Juliet Messenger on July 23, 1995.

Part 4

Some parents lack the power to discipline their children because of Misbelief #4: It is bad for children to go through difficult experiences. These parents pity and feel sorry for their children because the child is experiencing something the parents think is unfair and wrong for the child to have to experience (i.e., divorced parents, alcoholic parent, adopted, sexual abuse, physical or mental handicap, single parent, death of a parent, etc.). These parents often try to "makeup" for the "unfair" circumstances the child is experiencing by giving more and more privileges to the child, regardless of the child's behavior. When they do this, they often reinforce inappropriate, irresponsible, disrespectful behavior in the child.
Children of these parents learn to feel sorry for themselves, to think of themselves as abnormal, weak individuals, who don't have the ability to face the challenges of life. They usually have a very low self esteem. They learn to manipulate their parents into letting them
have their way by playing on their parent's sympathies. And they often develop a victim mentality of "poor pitiful me" that follows them into adulthood. Emotionally they are usually anxious and depressed.
God reveals the truth about pitying those who are going through difficult times. The truth is that it is not always bad to experience hurt and pain. Difficulties build character. It "worketh patience" which is necessary for growing toward maturity ( James 1:2-4). It is essential for developing a godly belief system ( I Peter 1:3-9). And it provides us with the opportunity to become greater partakers of God's holiness ( Hebrews 12:10) and to experience the peaceable fruit of righteousness ( Hebrews 12:4-12).

Dear God, help us as parents to view ourselves and life's circumstances in a godly way. Help us to discipline our children to be strong in your word. In Jesus name, Amen!

July 30, 1995



Power to Parent Misbelief #1: Good parents always put their children first or it is always selfish and wrong to put yourself first. Those who follow this rule often brag about going without so their children can have what they want. They usually spend very little time on their own personal growth and development or on nurturing their spousal relationship. They have difficulty setting boundaries or saying "no!" without feeling guilty. And they often end up giving privileges without requiring responsible behavior from the child. This misbelief, present in many dysfunctional families, robs parents of their ability to properly nurture and discipline their children. Children of these parents often act very disrespectfully toward their parents: talking back, arguing, complaining, pitching fits; acting ungracious, rude, disobedient, etc. Because they think they should be appreciated for their many sacrifices, this behavior often confuses these parents. But, in reality, they have taught their children to disrespect them by always putting the children first. Because of the power of this misbelief, these parents often blame themselves for their child's disrespectful behavior. And when they try to find solutions, most of the solutions center around putting their child first even more (giving more attention, giving more privileges, pacifying the child even more), which only encourages more disrespectful behavior from the child. God reveals the truth about selfishness. True, it is selfish and wrong to only think of ourselves and to always put ourselves first ( Luke 12:13-21). However, it is not selfish to sometimes put ourselves first. Jesus' example in Luke 5:12-16 makes this clear. He was constantly surrounded by people who needed Him to do something for them (teach them, feed them, or heal them). But the Bible teaches that He often withdrew Himself from others to spend time alone in the wilderness. So we learn that sometimes the most loving thing we can do is to take care of ourselves and to put ourselves first. This is especially true for parents. How can we expect our children to honor and respect us if we don't show them that we respect and honor ourselves? The above article appeared in the Mt. Juliet Messenger on July 9, 1995. Part 2 Jane (not her real name) was admitted to the adolescent psychiatric unit to be treated for a behavioral problem The admitting diagnosis was Oppositional Defiant Disorder. Humbled by the hospital admission, Jane's single parent mom was forced to admit that she was powerless as a parent. One of the reasons for the lack of power became evident during one of the family therapy sessions. Looking straight in her mom's tearful eyes, Jane coldly told her mom, "You can't tell me what to do, cause you've done things just as bad as me." Jane's mom was powerless because she had accepted as true Misbelief #2: Parents who make mistakes don't have the right to discipline their children. Parents who believe this lie usually feel tremendous guilt for past and/or present sinful behavior. They are reluctant to set rules and even when they do, they usually allow their children to break them without administering any consequences. As a result, their children who, like all children, learn self-discipline and responsible behavior by bouncing against- parental boundaries, become unruly, irresponsible, and disrespectful. This leads to more guilt and less power for the parent. And the cycle continues. God reveals truth that can help parents overcome this lie: Truth #1: imperfect parents are to be honored and obeyed by their children. There is no prerequisite that parents be perfect before they are obeyed ( Ephesians 1-3) Truth #2 Imperfect parents are to nurture and discipline their: children. There is no prerequisite that parents be perfect before they ant qualified to nurture and discipline their children (Ephesians:6:1-). Truth #3 There is no such thing. as a perfect parent ( John 1:8-10). If a parent had to be perfect before they could be qualified to discipline their children, no child could ever be disciplined. Godly parents know they aren't perfect and are willing and able to admit it. They deal with their guilt by trusting in the power of the blood of Jesus to. wash away their sins. And they parent their children, even though they aren't perfect, because God gives them that right and responsibility to do so. The above article appeared in the Mt. Juliet Messenger on July 16, 1995. Part 3 Some parents loose their power to parent by accepting Misbelief #3: Good parents make their children happy. These parents judge themselves by what their children are feeling. If their child is sad or unhappy, they judge themselves as bad. If their child is happy, they judge themselves as gooe!. Because their ego and self-esteem are based on their child's feelings, they will practically go to any length to keep their child from being sad. Children of these parents soon learn that all they have to do to get their way is to pout, or in some way act sad or depressed. They often. manipulate their parents by telling th.eir parents that they can't be happy unless they are able to have and do what "everybody else" has or does. God reveals the truth about taking responsibility for other's happiness. No where in the Bible are we commanded to make others happy. On the contrary, we are instructed to seek to please God ratherthan men ( Acts 5:29; cf. Galatians 1:10). Sometimes doing what pleases God is not going to make others happy. Jesus didn't always make others happy ( Matthew 21:15,33-46). Stephen certainly didn't always make the people happy ( Acts 7). And neither did the apostles ( Acts 4:1 - 5: 42). Christian parents have the God-given responsibility to nurture and discipline our children in the admonition of the Lord. Doing this is not always going to make our children happy (especially when they want to be like their friends in the world and we say no!) So we have to decide who we are going to please - - God or our children. Godly parents will always put pleasing God above pleasing their children. Dear God, thank you for the truths; in your Word that can help us to overcome the lies of Satan. Help us as parents to seek your guidanie in patenting our children. As we come toknow your truths, please give us the courage to do what you say do. Help us to always fear you more than we fear our children or anyone else. May we always seek to please you rather than men! In Jesus name, Amen! The above article appeared in the Mt. Juliet Messenger on July 23, 1995. Part 4 Some parents lack the power to discipline their children because of Misbelief #4: It is bad for children to go through difficult experiences. These parents pity and feel sorry for their children because the child is experiencing something the parents think is unfair and wrong for the child to have to experience (i.e., divorced parents, alcoholic parent, adopted, sexual abuse, physical or mental handicap, single parent, death of a parent, etc.). These parents often try to "makeup" for the "unfair" circumstances the child is experiencing by giving more and more privileges to the child, regardless of the child's behavior. When they do this, they often reinforce inappropriate, irresponsible, disrespectful behavior in the child. Children of these parents learn to feel sorry for themselves, to think of themselves as abnormal, weak individuals, who don't have the ability to face the challenges of life. They usually have a very low self esteem. They learn to manipulate their parents into letting them have their way by playing on their parent's sympathies. And they often develop a victim mentality of "poor pitiful me" that follows them into adulthood. Emotionally they are usually anxious and depressed. God reveals the truth about pitying those who are going through difficult times. The truth is that it is not always bad to experience hurt and pain. Difficulties build character. It "worketh patience" which is necessary for growing toward maturity ( James 1:2-4). It is essential for developing a godly belief system ( I Peter 1:3-9). And it provides us with the opportunity to become greater partakers of God's holiness ( Hebrews 12:10) and to experience the peaceable fruit of righteousness ( Hebrews 12:4-12). Dear God, help us as parents to view ourselves and life's circumstances in a godly way. Help us to discipline our children to be strong in your word. In Jesus name, Amen! July 30, 1995	Mt. Juliet Church of Christ 1940 N. Mt. Juliet Road P.O.Box 248 Mt.Juliet, TN 37122-0248 (615)758-2274 Fax:615-754-2351 Email Worship Services: Sunday Early Worship: 8AM Sunday Bible Study: 9:15AM Sunday Late Worship: 10:15AM Night Worship: 6PM Wednesday Bible Study: 7PM